hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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