so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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