In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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