I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
