Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You made out with two different species that night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
