Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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