dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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