its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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