Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
How's work?
Spinning.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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