Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
