I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
