ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Screwed.edu
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
