my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
