I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
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