I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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