sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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