When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
