I must be too annoying 4 u.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
