maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
