i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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