you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
