They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
