It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
