you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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