No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
In America we eat man semen.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
