if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
