Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
