it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
