My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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