Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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