one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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