i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
its liver damage thursday
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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