i think my mom watched the whole time
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
