He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
this hospital has no fireball
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
