im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
