I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
