someone threw a dead crab at me
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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