my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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