I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
