You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
There's always time for handjobs
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
