peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
