Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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