Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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