similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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