Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
