I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
