I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
