I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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