forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
