Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
