Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You smell like stripper and shame
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
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