its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
