I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
