He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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