1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
